RED FLAGS WE OFTEN OVERLOOK IN RELATIONSHIPS

October 28, 20250444

When we step into a new relationship, it often begins with excitement. Everything feels fresh, hopeful, and promising. In those early days, it’s easy to focus only on the good, while brushing aside things that seem “small” which are red flags, by telling ourselves, “Nobody is perfect. It will change.” But as time passes, those little signs, those red flags often grow into deeper wounds that could have been avoided if only we had paid attention and nipped it in the bud.

Ignoring red flags doesn’t make them disappear. It only delays the pain. That’s why learning to recognize them early and getting rid of it, is one of the greatest acts of self-love and wisdom we can practice as singles.

Red Flags Are Not Always Loud

When we think of dangerous relationships, we often imagine obvious things like physical abuse. But red flags are not always so loud. They can be subtle, hidden under charm, or disguised as “love.” For instance, when someone insists on knowing your every move, it might feel like care at first, but soon it becomes control. When someone mocks your dreams in the name of “joking,” it may look harmless, until your confidence starts to shrink and you begin to doubt yourself. When someone constantly have a negative thing to say about your look, it might seem harmless until you begin to have a low self-esteem.

Some Red Flags to Watch Out For

Lack of Respect: If a person constantly belittles your opinions, interrupts you, or makes you feel small, that is not love. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Excessive Jealousy: It is natural for someone to value your attention, but when jealousy turns into suspicion and accusations, it signals insecurity and control.

Dishonesty: If your partner frequently lies—even about small things—don’t ignore it. Trust once broken is difficult to repair.

Isolation: When a partner discourages you from spending time with friends, family, or community, it may be a sign of manipulation.

Pressure for Physical Intimacy: As a Christian, you are called to purity before marriage. If someone pressures you into sex outside marriage, that is not love—it is selfishness. True love respects boundaries.

Emotional Neglect: If you always give but rarely receive—whether it’s attention, kindness, or support—something is wrong.

Why We Overlook Them

Many singles overlook these signs because they are afraid of being alone, or they believe love means tolerating everything. Some think marriage will “fix” the issues. But red flags do not vanish at the altar; they only magnify.

Choosing Wisdom Over Regret

If you notice these patterns, don’t silence your inner voice. Pray about it. Seek counsel from trusted mentors, friends, or spiritual leaders. Love should not feel like walking on eggshells. Love should bring peace, not constant anxiety.

Dear reader, your worth is not in how much you can endure, but in who God created you to be. Don’t settle for less than a relationship that honors God and honors you.

From Our Readers

Letter:

I am in a relationship with someone I care about deeply, but sometimes I notice things that bother me. He gets upset when I spend time with my friends, and he wants to know where I am all the time. He says it’s because he loves me, but I feel uncomfortable. Am I overreacting, or is this something I should be worried about?

Our Response:

Thank you for opening your heart to us. Your concern is very valid. Love should bring peace, freedom, and trust—not fear or constant pressure. When someone tries to control your movements or isolates you from loved ones, it is not a sign of love but a red flag that needs attention.