Please i would want you to help me solve this relationship puzzle. I am a Graduate, 28 years old, working and in a relationship with a guy who is 33. We love each other very well and I would love to settle down with him if things work out for us. But my close friends and family think he isn’t good enough for me since he doesn’t provide all my material needs. There is intense pressure on me to quit this relationship and settle for what my people want. Please, I would love to know those other things we should watch out for in a relationship which should make us stay in it rather than walking away from.
Dear Uche :
You have to understand that just as our faces and names differ, so do our preferences. What works for your Sister and friends might not work for you. I have always advised people who are in relationships that they should think beyond money and material needs. Relationships are deeper than what majority of our youngsters tend to believe. There should be more emphasis on the spiritual, mental, psychological and intellectual development of partners. However, I will do well to enumerate a number of signs you should watch out for in your relationship and which should guide you. The emphasis here is “ if you find them in your partner, never think of quitting.”
They show you new things in life. Your true love would never want to see you remain the same. They would always introduce you to new or better ideas and knowledge because they want a better you. They would talk to you about taking the next scholarship tests, enrolling in music or computer class, learning a skill, attending empowerment Seminars and workshops or joining the Evangelical Team in your Church. When the motive here is to make you a better person, don’t walk away.
They calm you down when you are angry. One who truly loves you doesn’t want to see you get angry or carry on in a moody atmosphere. Even when quarrels occur, you would always find them go quiet, waiting for a more relaxed atmosphere to drive their points home. Many times too, they are the first to apologize even when they weren’t the party on the wrong side.
They love you unconditionally. Things other people would ordinarily frown at or condemn, you would still find your love appreciating you and showing you unalloyed solidarity. Your true love defends you in public, even when you are obviously wrong. They would stand by you in times of sickness, sorrow, grief and difficulty. They would never abandon you to be ridiculed by your detractors.
They don’t control you. They give you space to express yourself and be yourself without unnecessary control. They believe in you and wouldn’t want to be too possessive.
They trust you to no end. They won’t look at your phones and for sms and chats. They tend to respect your privacy. Nevertheless, partners in relationships are expected to be decent and faithful in all their activities.
They challenge you. They are always pushing you to become the best version of yourself because they think and indeed believe you can do better. They would send you motivational and inspirational notes and messages, introduce you to books that can change your life and would always tell you how special you are and how/why you should strive to touch the skies of your chosen career or profession.
They believe in you. They don’t belittle you or tear you down. They are always making you feel as though everything is possible. They are always encouraging and motivating you. They won’t try to outshine you. Rather, they see you as an Equal and want both of you to succeed together.
However, it is advised that partners in relationships should define what they are doing, decide where they are going, and chart a course on how to get there, identify their areas of strength and weakness and ultimately work towards getting each other better. They should see each other as partners and not competitors. It is deceptive to define true relationships on the basis of money and material items that circulate between partners.